Fork'n Silverware

I don't care if it is called a dessert spoon, I'm not eating my ice
cream with that thing...

I really don't even know what to do with them, save for thrusting into
takeaway containers of Thai or Indian when there just aren't enough
tablespoons to go around. No. Desserts, when I do partake, or breakfast
cereals, yoghurt and fruit, are to be consumed only with teaspoons and I
will absolutely have a tantrum if you provide me otherwise.

Having said that, I am perhaps more fussy with my forks. I have an old
Wiltshire cutlery set I was given by an aunt for my 18th birthday. A
strange gift maybe, but she has given me many long lived kitchen items
in my lifetime for which I am grateful. There are six each of the salad
and the standard forks. If you hand me one of the salad ones, ever, I
will glare at you in a manner that will first melt your eyeballs then
send you staggering blindly into the kitchen to wash one of the standard
ones because that better be the reason why you didn't hand me one in the
first place.

Of knives I am less of a tyrant, only because I almost always use a
steak knife if we are eating a "slab of protein" type of meal, which is
not often, and if not then I feel that overkill is perfectly acceptable
and why are you looking at me that way???

This all comes from the past four weeks' experience of moving house. For
me, obviously, the kitchen is an important room to get organised early,
but in all honesty I had been so used to having all of my gadgets and
even some of my necessities hidden away in my much smaller, former
kitchen that it took a very long time to unpack, inspect and take stock
of what I owned, let alone decide the best, most intuitive positions for
the staples and things I had always wanted access to but never had the
room. Coffee and toast making stations, sure, but with a power point
every metre for at least 6 or 7 metres of bench space I have lots of
room to dream.

Ditto drawer space. I have a buffet full of "good china" (ugh, kill me),
cutlery, and everyday stuff in the kitchen that includes a second drawer
full of loose wooden skewers, corn cob holders that I routinely forget
to use and still-sealed packets of moist towelettes, straws and plastic
cutlery from fast food joints. This drawer was the last one to be moved
from the kitchen. It was dumped into a polystyrene box about a week
after the official move and a month later I haven't missed the contents
yet. Let this be a lesson to us all.

We won't talk about the children's tableware. Who knew it would be a
thing? Pro tip: it's a thing. Make space. And buy more teaspoons. Not
just baby-feeding spoons but teaspoons. They will all be dirty in 2.3
days even if you only have one kid and be prepared to eventually lose
them. Forever.

Right. Now is the time to talk nostalgia. Orphaned cutlery. We all have
it, right? A small amount is the "oops it came home from the office in
the tuna salad lunchbox, how did that happen?" but some of it is
deliberate. Or is that just me? This is what I'm trying to determine I
think. Is there such a thing as cutlery nostalgia and if not, am I
beyond help?

I have a dessert spoon in my cutlery drawer that is perfect for scooping
ice cream. It's from my mother's cutlery set and it's from a time when
things were made properly. Thick stemmed, this spoon wouldn't dream of
bending. The thin tined fork has no particular use but it reminds me of
lamb chops and veg. It reminds me of family dinners and learning to use
cutlery at all. In short, it reminds me of my dad. There are others but
the last is a butter knife that a dear friend brought to me in hospital
at the birth of my third child. After the usual maternal sacrifice of
such things she brought me pate, crackers, d'affinois, and,
thoughtfully, a knife. It wasn't until I returned home with my infant
son that I questioned her as to its origin (mainly because I half
assumed I had stolen it in a morphine induced stupor) when she admitted
it was in fact an orphan piece of cutlery of her own.

So Kate, wherever you are, you are most certainly an inspiration (or to
blame) for this post. I just hope you don't ask for the knife back,
because I just can't stop using it for toast!

Who else has an emotional connection to cutlery, or kitchenware?